Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Princess is 1 and Pea is... well, who knows anymore?

I thought today would be sadder than it was....

Instead I was just overwhelmed with thanks for my princess and turned around and gave all the glory to God for the little life she's lead so far. When I say I couldn't be more thankful, I'm not kidding! I love her more than life itself.... but I'm sure none of you know anything about that. ;)

But let me tell you about our trip to look for a birthday present. The princess's latest fascination is baby dolls, so I decided to go to the store and look for a newer and nice baby for her birthday. Apparently being one means that she is old enough to actually realize that she is in an aisle... full of toys... that are meant for her. She screamed, and she pitched a fit, and she pointed at things begging for them. Woah, woah, woah..... when did you turn into a TODDLER, missy?? Needless to say we looked over the selection of what seemed to be about 80% dolls of African American descent and left..... because I've finally reached the point where my child is the one having a temper tantrum in the toy aisle. ::sigh::

Anywho, I had another appointment today to see if all the complications from last time had resolved. I've had no further spotting and the ultrasound showed that blood had resolved... it also showed my precious pea squirming around in there!!

Isn't he/she CUTE?! haha The tech felt it necessary to explain to me that was just the cord and not a boy part.... yeah, lady, I think I coulda figured that out. Anywho, the babe had a whopping heartbeat of 179!!! Adleigh's stayed in the 140's so this was new to me. If the old wive's tale is true, then it's another girl.... but heart rate has been proven to have no relation to what the baby's sex is so we'll see in another 8-12 weeks! Did I mention they also got a different measurement today?! ....only by a day meaning the pea measured at 9 weeks 1 day and giving me a due date of November 16th, but the doc told me to always keep the due date of the original ultrasound so the 17th it is! :) My wonderful doctor also finally gave me a prescription for phenergan which might be the best drug ever invented! I just wish I could take it more, but I'm a little weary of making pea drowsy too! Well, we're off to have a birthday dinner of mac & cheese! yum!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Happy Birthday Princess!

I'm having a really hard time right now.

As of April 14th, at 12:00 am EST my princess is one year old.

I've been planning this party for two months. I've been thinking about every little detail for a year! But that didn't change the fact that after I became pregnant her birthday plans got pushed to the back of my mind. SO I've been spending this week in a hot mess trying to figure things out. But give me a break! This is my first time planning one of these things!

On top of it all I just absolutely cannot believe it has been a year since she came into the world. Technically I've already spent 21 months with the love of my life, but it has just flown by. I'm so not ready for her to grow up. Maybe I'm just overly emotional.

My entire life I dreamed about having children. It was seriously my biggest dream in life. Now I'm about to have my second! I just still can't even believe she's here. I couldn't be more thankful for the precious gift of God that she is and how she brightens my days and puts interest in my life.

Me - her = nothing.

She is my everything. Without her I wouldn't have the slightest taste of the amazing love that God has for us- and what an unbelievable God he is- to allow me to fulfill my biggest dreams by being a mother when I did not deserve it. His grace is unbelievable and I could never repay Him.

This day has seemed so far away for so long and yet I know one day I'll be writing some letter or blog about her getting married and having kids of her own. Please God, let that come later rather than sooner.

I can't handle this. :'(

Friday, April 9, 2010

I just want to die...

So I've been REALLY emotional already....

In my last pregnancy I recall crying over things like the fact that it was Sunday and Chik Fil A wasn't open! Buuuuuut I was a much further along.

Now I'm already crying as movies that aren't sad! The other day I watched 'Cheaper By the Dozen 2' and "boo-hooed". What's up with that? Crazy hormones!

It doesn't help that I'm also steadily losing my battle with the queasy monster. I seriously think it's getting WORSE. And sometimes..... when I'm tryin to get up the stairs to the bathroom to throw up .......and the princess is climbing on me and pulling my hair ........and I'm looking around at my house which looks like a tornado came through... I just think 'I want to die'. LOL

Of course I don't really want to die. Sometimes it just all seems too much. For those of you who don't know, my husband and I sacrificed our big house and our daily time with each other to live in a tiny townhouse and be part of a church plant! He now works 4 hours away through the week and is only home on weekends..... so yes, sometimes it's just tough.

While I don't regret this decision, I would be lying if I said I didn't miss our movie nights with cheap Little Caesar's pizza, or just being able to cook dinner for all of us, or having him here to help with the monster and hold my hair back while I puke!

For now I guess I'll just keep truckin' and taking care of a baby, myself, the bills, the house, appointments....

It does get tough sometimes... but in the long run I know I am so blessed!


Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Just wait...

Okay so I know it has been a while since I've posted. I've been busy doing.... um... not much of anything.

Really though I've been stressing over appointments and bills and re-certification nonsense. I've had a husband here and some wonderful friends came to visit me so I've had a full plate for a while.

Today the princess and I had WIC appointments. After getting LOST going to a health department I've been to twice already, I came in late to find that their air was broken and it was literally 90 Degrees today. After getting some forms filled out and sitting my sweaty, t-shirt, jeans, and flip flop wearing, dirty pony tail styling, half-painted toe nails, falling apart diaper bag carrying self down..... I spotted Miss "This is My Very First WIC Appointment". I can spot this girl from a mile away. She has washed and styled her hair. Her makeup is perfectly done. She's wearing a dress and some stylish sandals. Her newly-embroidered diaper bag doesn't have a spot on or thread hanging from it. Her brand new baby is perfectly dressed in a nice, clean car seat. I was this girl.... a year ago.

We had some casual conversation. Noticing my dirty, falling apart, but still embroidered diaper bag she asked me to how to pronounce my daughters name. "That's interesting" she said. If she was trying to be nice I couldn't tell. She seemed rude, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. After all, in a year she'll be me. I hope I see her then..... :)